Convenience and Comfort

We are a people of convenience and comfort NOT intentionality. If "it" requires time, energy, and/or money our list of exuses starts to pile up. As a Christian, convenience should not be at the top of our vocabulary list, neither should comfort. To be a christian is to be "Christ Like". so lets take a look at just how convenient Christ's life really was.

Being born in a feeding trough, and having a powerful ruler wanting him dead isnt the greatest of starts...some time after that his entire family left Jerusalem without him; after a day they realize this and decide it is probably a good idea to figure out where the saviour of the world went off to, after three days they finally find him learning in the temple. He learned the scriptures apart from the rabbis and teachers of his day. He learned the scriptures from beginning to end. He walked in total obedience, and although it ticked off many people; especially the religious folk, "It is written" was his reasoning behind his actions. He does the carpenter and learning thing for 30 years. He is baptized by his cousin and IMMEDIATELY he is thrown into the wilderness to be tempted be the devil for forty nights with no food... he doesn't give in once! He then recruits the worst group of guys (socially speaking) to help represent him and do his work; for instance, he chooses a few not so good fishermen a man with very little itelligence, a man with an explosive temper and ego, a greedy and prideful man, a betrayer, a tax-collector (translation; the lowest of lows in his day, they were hated even viewed as criminals!), a man who would eventually deny any relation to him, a skeptic, a man who hated anyone who compromised Rome and even killed over it, a man who constantly doubted. Jesus knew all of these traits about all of these men he chose, yet he still chose them. Convenient? Maybe if webster isnt the dictionary you use to define it.

Jesus Preforms over 34 miracles and healings and people questioned him and persecuted him because of the WAY he preformed them, Jesus multiplies food instead of creating it out of thin air (which He could have done easily) Jesus answered questions with questions, jesus was betrayed by a friend, and nother friend denies even knowing him, he is interrogated and mocked and put on trial for being a rebel, he was dondemned by the very people he came to save, he was killed by the same people he tried to help live, the people who are the reason for the neding of his life can now have a new life because of it.

We say Jesus lived the perfect life yet it had to be the most inconvenient one he could have lived. Convenience is; the state of being able to proceed with something with little effort or difficulty. Since Jesus was also God I think a snap of the finger would have been the most convenient way to live his life.

Comfort is; a state of physical ease and freedom from pain or constraint. Again since Jesus was also God I think he could have chosein to die just like most Americans wish they will...warm and in their bed. But Jesus didnt snap his finger and he didnt just slip away in his sleep, he was very intentional in his life and very uncomfortable in his death.

We know all of this as Christians. Knowing what Christ did for us is the foundation of our faith in him, so whay do we assume that he did all he did so that we can live a live that doesnt require any of it? The only thing he did so that we wouldnt have too, was die and go to hell.In everything else he calls us to follow him. To follow him through the persecution, through the teptations (not into them, through them), Follow him through the suffering, follow him through the mocking, the betrayals, the denials, the miracles, the healings, and possibly through the physical death. "Follow me" is what he asked of each of his ordinary (maybe below ordinary) disciples, and as they followed him; the anger turned to compassion, the lacking in intelligence gained wisdom, the pride turned to humility, the collector gave, the skeptic and the doubter believed, and the murderer saved and the fishers of fish became fishers of men. The ordinary men did extraordinary things.

A life for God is hard, it has to be intentional, it is rarely convenient and it is rarely comfortable, but it is the only life that is worth it. Are you living a life is worth the price he pride, or are you living a life with no value at all?

Blinded

I know I don't belong here,
this worl is not my home.
The people I'm surrounded by,
make me feel so all alone.

They are blinded by everything,
by the god of this broken earth.
They deny all you call them too,
and have no sense of worth.

Each day is a trying battle,
sometimes I just give up.
I don't know how to help them,
Because they just want me to shut up.

Their lives are day to day living,
so wrapped up within routine.
Tomorrow is not an oppertunity,
it's just a day they wait to see.

They build up walls with television,
with games and telephones,
computers and worl politics,
it all makes me long for home.

So how am I to help them?
How am I to flee?
I don't know why they live each day,
because they sure do not seem free.

I know they aren't the only ones,
this whole world has been decived.
I just seem to have a front row seat,
to the death of my family.

Never Be The Same

My thoughts are searching memories,
memories I left behind.
There's a battle raging on in me,
the past has filled my mind.

I'm tempted to let go again,
to run and not look back,
but I've been down the road before,
and joy is what it lacks.

I don't want to go back there,
I don't want to want that sin.
Though I miss the way I felt,
I don't want to feel it again.

You had me for a little while,
and you chose to let me go.
The pain was hard to bear at times,
in ways you will never know.

But had our past not happened,
and had we chose to walk away,
my life would speak much quieter,
and I'd have much less to say.

I know this may confuse you,
how I can fight the way I feel,
but God has made it clear to me,
that none of it was real.

I asked you why He allowed it,
if He considered it a sin,
your answer was my turning point,
"so you can prove your love to Him."

I think I tried to save you,
but in the end I failed myself.
I'm not sure what I've done for you,
but you were my biggest help.

I'm sorry if I hurt you,
I'm sorry that I changed,
I jeopardized our futures,
and I caused un-needed pain.

I will always regret "us",
I will always look back in shame,
but my weakness brought my healing,
and now I'll never be the same.

The Storm Always Goes By

Nobody wants to feel sad,
Nobody wants to feel pain.
Everybody searches for shelter,
When it begins to rain.

Sometimes the dark we hide in,
Becomes all that we know.
We're convinced there's no way out,
And no where else to go.

In the past are all the memories,
All the moments that felt right.
So we try to find our way back there,
So it is easier to sleep at night.

But the past holds more than good times,
It is also full of the bad.
And once we find our way back there,
We end up wishing we never had.

So that shelter that you search for,
When it begins to rain,
If it's in the past just leave it,
Because t won't help the pain.

Instead just spread your arms out,
And look up to the sky,
You may get wet for a moment,
But the storm always goes by.

Motion Text Video

Another assignment from this semester.

Change

Everybody wants to change the world, but some people just except the fact that they cant and stop trying. Others have themselves convinced that if they pick up a piece of trash, they have made a world of difference. If that's the only change we are striving for then by all means let the earth rejoice, but what about the people in it? There is more focus on changing the conditions people live in than the lives of the people within those conditions. There is more focus on improving the quantity of our lives than the quality of them. Quality meaning; inwardly and emotionally, not conditionally or situationaly cause it is apparent we have no problem doing that. We live in a country where it is absolutely unheard of if you don't have a computer or a cell phone. I'm not saying it is bad to have these things I'm just saying why does it matter so much if someone doesn't? Is their life deprived of some necessary element for survival? Does their life have a lower quality than someone who does own these things? I think not but if you'll excuse me while I stereotype America real quick; I am sure many people wouldn't think twice about arguing yes to those questions. So what needs to change and how do we change it? If one isn't willing to change them self then it isn't fair to expect anyone else to change, which is probably why we don't see much change taking place. "Change your self and you've changed the world" is an accurate saying but it leaves out the idea of any action taking place after the change within "you" has happened. The world does NOT revolve around you, but yes technically you have changed the world because you are still in this world and you yourself have changed but change is only change for so long before it eventually becomes labeled as "the same". So I will go a head and alter that saying a bit and make it more of a challenge. "Change yourself then go change the world." God would never create us unable to overcome the world he created us in.

Life

I have lived many years and all the days that I can remember have one thing in common; at least one moment of despair and sadness. Now don't get me wrong I have had many moments of happiness many memories I wish never to forget. But to say my life has been lived to the full as God intended it would be a complete and utter lie. I have failed in the very way I wished to succeed…gracefully. A failure I didn't know had come to be has seemed to block the very path I walk on. I don't know where that path was leading me but all of the sudden I lack the strength or even the will to go on and find out.

I've had dreams before but I have come to find anything you have to imagine usually means you had to come up with something to hope for because you know the real thing isn't very likely to happen or even exist. "Dreams really do come true" is a saying, said as if trying to convince people of something. You want to know why we need convincing? Because the things we hoped for, the things we imagined, or even dreamed have a huge history of never happening, therefore crushing our hopes and leaving us looking for some one or something to convince us it "really" can happen even though we know first hand that it is very unlikely. I do not know who this "we" and "us" that I speak of consist, but I guess maybe I am just hoping, and dreaming that I am not the only one as screwed up as I have convinced my self that I am.

You see this life that I am living has yet to prove itself any different than death. This life that I am living has yet to prove its self anything other than just an existence. There have been many things I have wished to do but I lack the means to do them. It kind of makes one wonder if I was bound for this failure that has seemed to catch me by surprise. I seemed to have failed in something I wasn't even given a chance to succeed in. I lost a game in which I was benched.

That old saying "you can run but you cant hide" I believe it to be true but I guess it cant really be false if the very thing you are running from is yourself. I have ran from my problems I have ran from my mistakes, my flaws, failures, fears and even my own heart. Only I have ran for so long from my heart that I have seemed to accomplish the very thing I believe I was trying to avoid…losing it. Yes I have lost my heart and now I can't seem to find where it lies and I don't have the slightest idea of where to start looking. I feel nothing because I have nothing in which to feel anything with. I love nothing because I have nothing to tell me what love is. I have nothing because in order to have anything you have to be able to lose it and if I have lost my heart I believe it is safe to say I have nothing left to lose.

Someone who has nothing left to lose might think it is safe to say that they then have everything to gain. Wrong. Once you lose everything you wish never to gain a thing in fear of losing it again. And rather than going through another loss you chose to except your current state and go on living a life you don't understand no matter how hard you try to understand it.

I think we are all trying to understand something that is not meant to be understood… something, I believe is the hardest thing to understand even if we were meant to understand it. Life can be many things but one thing I know it is not is something that makes any sense at all, so we should all just stop trying to understand it. I think we will be disappointed in what we find anyway if we were to ever understand what it is we seek so hard to understand.

This all may seem like a bunch of depressing, meaningless shit that will never come to be anything more than a few words on a piece of paper. But it may also seem to be a glimpse of hope for someone out there writing about a "we" or "us" unsure of their own existence. It may be a window to an idea that if we would just live our lives from the beginning as if we have nothing to lose as if we were searching for our heart in every part of life, then maybe the slightest understanding of why we are here may come into view. Maybe if we live our lives as if already lost then we wont be disappointed when we lose anything. Maybe if we live our lives constantly searching for our heart we may finally find out its true desires, and there will then be nothing to block that path, and nothing to hold us back from going on to see where it leads. Maybe this idea is not a dream maybe it is a reality that just hasn't come to be. And if it is just a dream well… maybe some dreams can come true, weather you believe it or not, I guess just depends on your own experiences with hope.